Retro Jersey’s And Crop Tops Stole The Show At Lollapalooza

Now that Lollapalooza is over, we can hang up the retro jersey’s and fanny packs for at least another year, or until the next teenage filled festival rolls around. Don’t get me wrong, the retro jerseys are sick and we all wish the NBA would go back to the glory days of a good uniform, but if you don’t know the name of the player on the back of whatever you’re wearing, then at least do some research before the 30 year olds start questioning your knowledge on whatever legend appears on your back.

Alright i’m not saying it’s time to kick this style to the curb, but it’s time to revamp the retro sports uniform look a little bit. I’m talking around the legs. Ditch the cargo shorts at festivals, you look sketchy walking around with 8 pockets on your side, each of which are probably filled with a different drug that nobody knows the name of. With that being said, it’s time to start the retro basketball SHORTS trend. What’s more comfortable for a guy then a t-shirt and shorts on a hot day at a festival? I can answer that, absolutely nothing! So, I Have What You Need for the next time you want to look cool, but remain comfortable in a crowd of teenagers/young adults.
*sleeper move to stay retro but away from the common NBA jersey would be a solid baseball jersey or even mix in a college football jersey.

(Down below are some of what i think are the coolest looking retro shorts out there)

Now ladies don’t think i forgot about you. To avoid being an asshole all i’m going to say is put some damn clothes on. You can look just as appealing to the guys you’re trying to impress at a music festival, while still having enough clothes on to make your parents proud. From a male perspective, i would like to share with you some other options as to what you can do without showing off too much of the “goods.”
-Get a sun dress. Guys love that shit.
-Wear your tank tops, just keep the see-through to a minimum, we don’t need to know how cold you are.
-keep the short shorts going, that will never go out of style, but fill in the rips around your cheeks every once in a while.

Being a guy, i don’t fully understand the culture of dressing like a woman, but those are just a few guidelines to follow for your next trip to the festival. You’re all beautiful no matter what it is your wearing, save the exposure for someone you care about instead of the drunken kids looking for a one day hookup at a music festival the few times a year they come around.

It’s time for the next generation of kids to step up and fix some of the wardrobe malfunctions we’ve been seeing the past few years, before festival fashion leaves a stain on history instead of it’s mark.


  1. Alternative title: Fashion Nazi’s Takeover Lolla
    Opinion Piece

    First, I don’t think you can make the claim that you are the “only place on the internet that doesn’t think it’s better than you.” You clearly do think you’re better than everyone. For the most part, you are judging the shit out of both female and male fashion. Why is it that any time a woman wants to express herself with clothing we are treated like sluts and judged for it? How does that make sense? Your disclaimer “to avoid being an asshole…” doesn’t work either, because you were an asshole during this whole blog. Festivals are supposed to be a place where people can go to express themselves and listen to beautiful music but that’s not the case when there’s boys judging your clothing. I think this a good first attempt at becoming a blogger, however maybe focus more on creating a fashion exclusive blog since you have quite the expertise. Your opinion is welcomed but won’t get great feedback. I get expressing your opinion but these are honestly just pointless arguments. They don’t serve anything, just tear people down. Focus on something more constructive. Don’t forget to capitalize your “I’s ” and “I’m”; that’s important when writing. You got this, dudes.


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