If you missed our last post, I need you to know that I am on the front line against the people who want to ruin halloween. So as our first line of defense as true Halloween-ers, I’m gonna show you how to bring the shock instead of the scary this Halloween, with out being racist. Ok look, I’m giving you fair warning these costumes are not the most PC though. So before you read this ask yourself:
1. Have I ever laughed during an Adam Sandler movie? If yes, keep going.
2. Am I or was I a college student who believes in communism? If no, keep going.
3. Have I spoke to more than 3 managers in a fiscal year? If no, enjoy!
Now as a fail safe I put these in least to most hilarious. So, if some how you slipped through the cracks and get offended, there is at least a fail safe to stop a full on triggering.
All right so we all know Mr. West has been spotted carrying around some Dad weight, so why not take full advantage and roast the King of Pop Culture. I had to look out for the big guys and this is the perfect costume for them. Now even if you aren’t large, all you have to do to look like Kanye is get a fade and lined up. I’ll say it one more time, even if you look exactly nothing like Kanye, all you have to do is get a fade and lined up. Next time is get a ratty holed up sweater and throw it on, YEEZUS style. Finally indulge yourself and pick up like a couple McDoublea or a Taco Twelve Pack and maybe tell some people about how cool Jay Z is. What ever you do, just because you are dressed as Kanye, do not attack any one in a Taylor Swift costume.
This one is a real lady killer. So first thing first, you gotta grab a iconic Beiber wig, I don’t care about his latest do. I need classic hair flip Beiber hair. Next go to PacSun and buy a stupid shirt, preferably one that is tight and oversized at the same time. Now you can go head set or hand held for the mic, all depends on your willingness to dance. Just keep it on the cheap side, its for looks not function. To really dig in on the fact that Beibs made a Spanish song with out knowing the words, go out and get your self a Spanish to English pocket dictionary. If you embrace the culture appropriation it ceases to exist, like me when I had to lock myself in the dark after watching Darkness Falls. To sell yourself as Beibs put a cheat sheet inside the middle of the book and butcher some Spanish words, and maybe spit on some of your fans.
Now if you go this route you should be prepared to be spit on. It’s a risky move because most people won’t see that you’re actually making fun of the scumbag, but around the right crowd you might win best costume. This one is easy to pull off. First, put on a robe. Second, get a stack of old papers stapled together and write “Hollywood Script” on the front. I chose the Titanic script because it was the first one on google and I’m lazy, nothing against J Cam. Third, hold a bottle of lotion, preferably nonscented. Now no need to act out this character like Bilingual Beiber, just be a normal respectful human and let people come tell you how funny you are. If some one ask who you are, and they are simply dressed as a cat or something boring, just say you are the Ghost of Hugh Hefner, now if they are in a Bilingual Beiber get up, then tell them the joke if they hadn’t already figured it out.
And what kind of blog would this be if I didn’t give a few bonus couples costumes.
Person who reinacts battles that the South won during the Civil War and stopped watching the NFL this season hanging out with person in Bernie 2020 shirt and BLM hat reading a Karl Marx book.
Opposites attract right? This one is pretty self explanatory. I suggest doing this with a close friend and fake arguing with each other all night. Warning though, neither I or any one else care about your actually political opinions, so if you can’t just keep it a joke I suggest going with couple costume idea number two.
Bruce and Kaitlin Jenner Combo
To best carry out this costume you would have the guy do some super over the top drag. Really go for fashion magazine cover look. And the Girl would do Olympic champion Bruce. Aim for tank top, with short athletic shorts and head band. But dispite what you may think after reading this, we are an all inclusive site. With that being said, who ever wants to go as who can. This is a good one because you can rep an American athletic hero, or a champion of the LGBTQ movement. And if you are riding solo, hit it with the old “Two Face” look and split it down the middle. Bonus points if you carry a Wheaties box.
If you are mad at any of these costumes ideas, go look in the mirror and yell at yourself because I warned you silly. Any way if you pull any off feel free to tweet the photos to us. @IGWYNofficial
I Got You,