Now that everyone is suddenly obsess with GoTHICC girls, they are trying to exploit the “I used to be Emo” culture like they’re Kevin Spacey exploiting the LBGTQ community. I will not stand for this.
Too many of us spent countless hours conditioning our hair and squeezing our nuts into our sisters black jeans just to be exploited by hipsters.
Now we could go through from beginning to end, but I’d rather make some bold statements and try to get you to argue with me.
I’m going to stick to my big three simply for the fact that, honestly, the line between Emo, Indie and Pop-Punk is blurred worse than a Japanese porno. I will say this though, Blink-182 is for sure Pop-Punk, so don’t ask why they got left off this list. And I don’t want to hear anything about I Miss You references to The Nightmare Before Christmas. The only other GOAT debate that gets more heated than best Emo band is, who is the basketball GOAT. Well that’s actually covenant because the top three for both line up almost perfectly.
Okay so obviously when you think basketball, you think Michael Jordan. I think it’s safe to say My Chemical Romance carries that same respect. People have their biases, whether from age or where they grew up, but everyone has Jordan in their top two. It is the same with MCR being in the top two of Emo music. I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and The Black Parade are good for two each of Jordan’s six rings. Perfection and dominance. Most people remember the reign on MTV that Three Cheers had, and eyeliner sales went up 500% when The Black Parade came out, but people too quickly forget the significance of I Brought You My Bullets. It was an album that laid the ground work for Twilight’s vampire craze, and explored the trauma of witnessing 9/11 with out exploiting it, unlike certain country artist. And I know what you are thinking, “well what about Danger Days?” If any thing that just solidifies them as the Jordan of Emo music, as long as you can look at that album as Jordan’s time on the Wizards. And can we talk about MJ with out mentioning sneakers? You might be thinking, “You’re forgetting about Limewire, no way MCR sold a proportionate amount of albums.” Right, but wrong, I’m talking ring tones. And MCR was the king of ring tones.
Next we have to talk about Taking Back Sunday. In my opinion TBS beat out The Used, All Time Low, Fall Out Ball (by only a hair. Like as I am typing this I’m second guessing), PANIC! At The Disco, Mayday Parade and a few other honorable mentions simply for the fact that they are linear with Kobe. Here is what I mean. Obviously Kobe was super dominant, all around then man. But then, something may or may not of happened where he had to come back new again and with a different number. Taking Back Sunday faced a similar scenario, where they had to become new again (real fans get the joke) as they got older and the Emo era came to an end. But seriously, Kobe had to get a new number and win a championship, while TBS had to lean away from the style of songs like One-Eighty By Summer and get almost Alternative with it and prove that they could still make bangers. The other way Kobe and TBS are one in the same is the fact that while Kobe has some of the most impressive accolades in the NBA, TBS has some of the best Emo one liners, hands down ever. 81 points against the raptors-“The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last dying breath I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt”. Winning a championship without Shaq- “You’re an addict for dramatics, you confuse the two for love”. Winning Olympic Gold- “And all I need to know is Im something you’ll be missing”. I hope you can see now why I not only make the comparison, but that you remember the Xanga and MySpace wall papers baring those exact lyrics. Did I just take you down memory lane?
Ok I know this is like talking about the United States and only talking about New York, Chicago and LA, but we are on the last band, if you want more than start a go fund me for me. Now we have talked about Brand New before, as many people have, but Im willing to bet my tattoo fund that no one has ever compared them to LeBron James. It goes a little deeper than the fact that they both have always been a top dog or that their hair isn’t as great as it once was. I really want to drive home the fact on how they both have matured. LBJ has come from pure raw talent and damn near physical perfection, and become a guy people fist fight over as the number one best ever. The man has developed leadership, the ability to facilitate a game single handedly and the ability to pull the trigger at any point during the game. In a parallel fashion, Brand New has matured better than almost any other band. If you look at Your Favorite Weapon, you can taste the teenage angst. Mixtape and Jude Law And A Semester Abroad are the perfect teenage “I love and hate you so much” songs. Then you have Deja Entendu, which is the only album that 1, gives TBS a run for their money on one liners with songs like I Will Play my Games Beneath The Spin Light and The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, and 2, could go punch for punch with The Black Parade as the face of Emo music. After that, you have The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me and Daisy. Both albums get tougher than the last and steer into deeper song writing, the same way LeBron started trusting Kevin Love to take some 3s. Brand New’s last album, Science Fiction, really reminds me of the way Lebron is back playing now with D. Wade. The same way LBJ has back tracked a little towards what made him successful in the past, while stile evolving his game, the same way Brand New has dabbled back into their melancholy skits, but also grown artistically.
So I will leave you with this. If you don’t agree with me, feel free to comment, but don’t ever question my ability of comparison. Second, make fun of the way I used to look all you want, just know I had better hair than you. Third, while My Chemical Romance’s first three albums are like Kanye West first three, From Under The Cork Tree is to Emo music as Man On The Moon is to Hip-Hop.
I love you guys so much that I even went and made a playlist so you can jam out and maybe yell at your mom and cry a little!
I Got You,