My mom lied to me. I’m not handsome. Maybe cute, as a kid, but never handsome.
It’s taken nine years of young women and my friends calling me ugly and roasting me. I thought getting in shape, having cool haircuts or growing facial hair could change that. It couldn’t.
So what do I do now? Lay down and die? No chance. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from living in America, it’s this; you either need looks, money or talent to get by in this world. I have none of that. But what I do have is a job, car and apartment, so in reality I’m better than most of you dorks.
Maybe I’ll age like wine and get good looking in my thirties. Probably not, but a girl can dream right? Until then, I’m gonna keep saying slick shit in bars and lying on Bumble.