Here we fucking go. Just when we thought politics couldn’t be any more heated, we are on the eve of a street fight in front of the White House. Uncle Joe has called out Donny, and I’m here for all of it.
Now I don’t care if you’re on the Right or the Left, if you’re American, you want BLOOD. I grew up during the transition of the WWF to WWE, and UFC’s transformation into an actual sport, so I’m all about paying $80 for some violence. But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get to see two of the most powerful and influential men in the country go at it.
So just a quick recap, Former VP Biden threw some shade saying he woulda bodied President Trump back in the day. Then, doing what he does best, Trump got the Twitter Fingers popping saying Joe could get these hands.
Unreal, I know. Hate on the immatureness of the situation all you want, I’m gonna butter the popcorn. But before I crack some beers and set up the projector, I decided to do some research.
So if were going retro active, like Biden suggested, we’re gonna look at high school stats.
Reach 78′ (estimated)
Statistically, Trump has the advantage. As an actual athlete, if this were a professional fight, I’m giving it to Trump. You can’t count on AV nerd for stamina, eye hand, endurance or for having a chin.
As far as a street fight goes, I think we would have an absolute blood bath. I’m saying there’s no way Barry O and Mikey Pence don’t hop in. And although President Obama seems like he’s always been in decent shape and athletic, there is a chance he would be “mellowed out”, if you know what I mean. Furthermore, Pence would have so much built up rage for not being able to partake in “sinful activities”, the guy in high school must have been a lunatic. So street fight also goes to Trump.
Now if were running this as a Tag Team Hell In The Cell Match on Wrestlemania, the crowd favorite has to win. Now if were being real, Biden is loved the way The Rock used to be. But the catch is, the WWE is a favorite in the Red States. The same States who voted for Trump. So unless they want to tarnish Wrestlemania again (like they did with The Undertakers undefeated streak), Trump wins hands down. He’s basically the orange Stone Cold Steve Austin.
So I’m no MAGA guy, but facts are facts, and I Got Trump winning all three (Unless Hilary throws in a chair and distracts the ref).
I Got You,
Shout out to IGWYN Designer Kevin Connor for the visuals, and Hector Morales (who ever you are) for the statistics.